This is a quiz…okay, you’re not really graded but this is here to see how well you know me. Remember, there is no wrong answers, just idiotic choices. Each option to choose has a point option. Collectively, the points will determine how much you know me. All of the answers with either be based on the contents in my web page or based on what I would personally pick if it was up to me. There may be more than one right answer…but pick the BEST one out of the choices you have in front of you.
Hard? Of course it is…has any quiz you ever took at school ever been easy? Why should this be any different?
1) If Train A was traveling 80 mph and Train B was traveling 120 mph towards Central City on the same track, who would get there first?
a) Train B because it’s traveling faster.
b) Train A because slow and steady wins the race.
c) Both trains will arrive virtually at the same time.
d) Who the f*ck cares…the trains are gonna crash into each other!
2) According to something that Stan read somewhere, approximately how many flies are attracted to one single healthy pile of dog poop?
a) About Five.
b) About One Hundred and Fourteen.
c) Unsure since the party flies go Poop Hopping.
3) What does a Software QA Engineer do?
a) Sit in a cubicle all day and answer phones.
b) Piss off Software Developers by telling them how crappy their code is.
c) They wear hard hats for safety and go inside the Matrix.
4) I have close to 200 people on my Instant Messenger buddy list. Why is that?
a) Because I like chatting with all of the 200 people.
b) Because I want to feel and look popular.
c) Because I plan on accelerating the rate that I get carpal tunnel syndrome.
5) What fast food joint did I used to work at?
a) McDonald’s.
b) Taco
c) Burger King.
d) Who cares. All of them will kill you just as fast.
6) What is the “Blue Screen of Death”?
a) Instead of static snow on TV, the screen turns blue.
b) When the computer screen turns blue, locks up the keyboard, and tells you that it doesn’t feel like thinking anymore.
c) During war, people used blue smoke to fool the enemy making them believe they were not there.
7) Who are Joy and Paige?
a) My dogs.
b) My daughters.
c) Two lesbians.
d) Two lesbians in love.
8) If I had 120 bottles of two-liter Cokes, what would I do with it?
a) Snort it all…oh wait! Coke as in soda and not illegal drugs. Got it.
b) Drink it all by myself and see if I will poo in liquid form.
c) Have a party.
d) Stuff it in the trunk of my car.
9) Why did I have lion dancers?
a) I needed people to dance with the lions out here where I live.
b) I needed people to entertain us during the wedding reception.
c) I needed people to show me the latest moves.
10) What do cruise ships have 24 hours a day?
a) Food.
b) Gambling.
c) Dancing ladies.
d) Someone who is sea-sick.
11) What do I mean when I refer to a 4-banger?
a) A prostitute.
b) My car.
c) Little shards of bugs zapped into pieces.
12) How many cans of beer did I buy for the wedding?
a) 24 cans.
b) 22,000 cans.
c) Who can count when they’re hammered?
13) What did my friend drop on the floor that was so tramatic to me and Mick?
a) His money.
b) His pants.
c) A cheesecake.
d) A cucumber.
14) What was my Camaro doing outside of Wheeler Hall?
a) It was being cool for the ladies.
b) There was no more parking in the parking lot.
c) The security guard did not stop us and figured it was okay.
d) I planned on doing donuts outside of Wheeler Hall.
15) Where is Wheeler Hall?
a) In front of some guy’s place named Wheeler.
b) A restaurant.
c) Some building on UC Berkeley’s campus.
d) A juvenile detention center.
16) How cheap am I?
a) I pick up pennies off the ground.
b) I will go to a restaurant with friends, not order any food, and ask my friends, “Are you gonna eat that?”
c) I will drink water mixed with sugar instead of Kool-Aid.
d) I buy things on Ebay so I don’t have to pay tax.
17) What was the latest video that I made with my buddy Kyung?
a) A video about us fighting over a freedom fry, oh wait….they’re called French fries again now…
b) A video about cars.
c) A video about a lesbian love story.
d) A video about us being lazy.
18) Kyung and I are planning to cast several more people in our videos. What will probably be the most obvious answer to these people?
a) They won’t show.
b) They say they’re busy but they’re actually being lazy.
c) They want to be a part of it when they watch the movie and regret not listening to us.
d) They want money that we don’t have. Greedy bastards.
19) Why did I write this quiz?
a) Because I was bored.
b) Because I want people to think I can be funny.
c) Because I want people to actually read something on my web page.
d) Because choosing c) would be the most probable answer.
20) How lazy am I?
a) So lazy that I like to sit on my ass all day and do nothing.
b) So lazy that I would rather watch paint dry than to hold a paint dryer to the paint to make it dry faster.
c) So lazy that I did not bother to make the point values on this quiz.
d) So lazy that choosing d) would be the best choice.