Who is this legend?

Some say he’s a jerk. Some say he’s a good guy. Yet, others believe he’s just your typical lazy-ass guy who is trying to step out of the shadows of many of his elite friends. Well, here’s what I say to that...eh, too lazy to type it all out.

Well, I was born in the US…and despite my previous haircuts and my association as a FOB (Fresh Off the Boat), I hardly consider myself as such. Breaking the mold of the typical Asian stereotype, I began my career goals at the age of five years old when I had wanted to become a member of the construction groupie. Although I realized that I couldn’t construct anything even from your basic mudpile, I opted to consult my career in law enforcement.

But fearing for my safety, my parents introduced me to the school of carpal tunnel enhancement. Just like that, a keyboard and a monitor was placed in front of me. I looked at the keyboard and said to myself, “Self…someone really messed up the keyboard. The letters aren’t in the right order!” I figure I’ll just go along with the program and someone introduced me to the two most popular commands in DOS: “dir” and “del *.*” Let me tell you…I was not a very popular child when I was armed with the latter command.

So, after working the grease-pits of society at a very most popular fast food chain that started with a upside down letter of a “W”, I worked myself up to a software quality test engineer…or Software QA Engineer (which sounds pimpier). Although I had no technical education in computers, I managed to squeeze my way in there and someone actually gave me a paycheck! Cha-ching!

Throughout the whole ordeal as a Software QA Engineer, I got really bored. I hated my job and like most office type environments, it was most accurately reflected in the movie, Office Space. The ultimate question in that movie was “What would you do with a million dollars?” One of the replies to that was, “I would sit on my ass…all day… and do nothing.” But of course, the counter to that statement was, “You don’t need a million dollars to do that. Take a look at my cousin. He’s broke and don’t do shit.”

So, after fending my way through corporate society and battling paper cuts and attack copy machines, I opted to follow my intial career choice from the age of five years old…became a police officer. After years of applying, I managed to get my foot in the door and entered into the Academy, through some serious training, and on my way to being a popo.

Now, the jump from a Software QA Engineer to a Police Officer wasn’t exactly easy.

You see, when the software gets really mad at you and wants to get even with you, it would give you the ‘blue screen of death.’ For those uneducated in the computer arts, the screen just turns blue and your computer doesn’t work anymore. But in police work, if a person gets really mad at you and wants to get even with you, they tend to hit/kick/spit/wrestle/shoot/swing whatever they have at you…and if it makes contact with you, it generally hurts. So that was the major difference I had deal with.

As of now, I am currently a police officer and loving the job. It’s not too often you find people that like the job that they do and I’m fortunate to be one of the few that like their job. I’m also currently married and have two kids, okay…maybe not two kids but rather dogs. They might as well be kids…running around, making all sorts of noise, pooping everywhere, and leaving their toys all over the place.